By Lori Mork

I could state a bunch of studies and provide tons of evidence and facts that day having a doula is a must-have in your birth, but I like to sum up why I am the doula for you based on 7 things (traits, qualities, vibes, etc.) that I bring to the birth space. I like to think I go above and beyond in what I try to provide to my clients. More important I want to discuss why I believe that these traits are important in helping you obtain a physiological birth.

Patience

Good things come to those who wait! I truly allow the space that birth requires. The birth process takes times. The medical system tries to set time limits on birth. I truly try to keep everyone involved patient in giving you the space to take time to birth your baby.  The medical system uses outdated studies, or should I say STUDY. Not plural studies, just one study! They use Friedman’s Curve, which is a study of 500 women done in the 1950’s in which Dr. Friedman charted what ‘the normal labour process’ ‘should’ look like for ALL birthing women. Say what? Yes, a study done of only 500 women, over 75 years ago, is still what medical providers use in order to say if you are having your baby in some set time frame. If you have been to multiple births like I have, you will realize that birth is UNIQUE. No two births are the same. No two bodies are the same. No two babies are the same. Location, people around you, stress levels, all can impact how long it may take to birth your baby. If you were to chart 500 births that were allowed to follow their own natural pattern, in the same environment that is safe for the birthing person, and with the same level of comfort and stress, you would still find that EVERYONE TOOK VARYING TIMES TO BIRTH THEIR BABY. There are no such things as average since there are too many factors that can impact the time it takes to birth your baby.

Having patience and also standing firm in my belief that the baby will come when it’s time, the body with birth the baby when it’s time. You can’t rush it, and you shouldn’t. But what I realize is many times in the birth space I am the only one who still believes it takes time or has patience. I am the only one left standing who continues to say, ‘breathe everyone’ and ‘let’s give this woman time to birth her baby.’ I am the one constantly telling everyone that we can’t predict timing in birth, and we shouldn’t try. Time should actually be thrown out the window. I am not in a hurry when I am in the birth space I am there fully. As your doula, I remind you that I have nowhere else to be but by your side. I remind you that we all need patience in physiological birth. I also truly believe it’s more painful to be patient and ‘wait it out’ in labour, than the actual physical contraction itself. It’s the length of time or not knowing the exact timing that often causes more stress and anguish that the actual contractions for you when in labour. Your body will birth your baby when it’s the right time for you!

Knowledge

I am not a know-it-all. But I am a ‘listen to as many podcasts and find out as much evidence-based facts and research surrounding everything in the birth process-it-all!’. There are also studies that show that the more you know in terms of choices surrounding birth, the more equipped you are to avoid interventions or complications. Birth is simple! Birth isn’t medical! Birth isn’t complicated! I will say it again that ‘birth is simple’. That’s the simple part. It’s the interventions and navigating the medical system that is complex, and complicated. Many medical providers only give one side of the story to interventions or present their opinions and bias without letting you know the full spectrum or options. I’m there to share my knowledge in an unbiased, non-judgmental way. I try to take the complexity out of the birth process and simplify it with clear and concise facts and information so that you can make informed choices. In our prenatal visits together, we spend 4 plus hours preparing for the big day. We cover all scenarios that can or might arise. We cover options. We cover anatomy and the true physiological process of birth, but then also what happens now that we enter the medical setting. We talk about informed consent. I ensure you realize that YOU get to make informed decisions. Hospital policies are not the law. There are always options. There are consequences of certain interventions. There is research surrounding all things birth, but also sometimes those studies are one-sided, or looking for a certain result. We use the terminology BRAIN when making decisions surrounding the birth process. Benefits, risks, alternative, intuition, and do nothing. This helps to make choices will all options and not with just the pressure from the medical provider to do what they say. You can ask questions. You should be asking tons of questions. This is your birth, your body, your baby!

Confidence

I believe in your ability to birth your baby and that birth is a natural, physiological process. It’s not enough for me to believe though. Everyone in the birth space should also be confident that you know how to birth your own baby. I spend those initial prenatal sessions with you when you might be like many other clients and need to be taken from being scared and anxious about the upcoming birth, to feeling excited, calm and confident about it. I do this by educating you on what birth really looks like and feels like. What to expect in birth. We cover every scenario because when you are prepared and also know as much as possible you can go into knowing you are ready for it! We can dispel the myths surrounding birth that we may have been told or lead to believe in Hollywood movies that aren’t real. We take the birth horror stories they may have been told and dissect why those stories are what they are.  Another way to help build your own confidence (and that of your partner/support person) is to take prenatal education classes. Not all classes are created equal. I recommend the Birth by Bloom classes they have locations in Vancouver at Pomegranate Midwifery Clinic and also in New Westminster. Birth Classes by Bloom in the Lower Mainland (birthbybloom.com) I also recommend My Powerful Birth with classes located in Pitt Meadows and Abbotsford. Our Classes – MY POWERFUL BIRTH PRENATAL EDUCATION

Reassurance

Reassurance means removing someone’s doubt or fears. It can also mean helping someone to feel less worried. In the birth space I am there to help you, your partner/support person, and even at times the medical providers. When exhaustion and doubt creep in, I remind everyone in the birth space of the physiological process of birth. I ensure everyone remembers that you know how to birth your baby. I provide this reassurance both verbally (with words and phrases that can help you as you birth your baby and may find yourself doubting the process), but I also provide this in my physical mannerisms. My eye-contact. You can turn to me in certain situations that arise in birth to see what my big bright eyes are telling you. Just that eye contact can often be all you need to know everything is okay, everything is as it should be, and you are birthing your baby like you know how. Even a hug, or a touch on your shoulder can remind you that I am here for you. When looking around the room the physical appearance of others looking tired, upset, or doubtful can often spark your own feelings of doubt. I ensure I bring that positive physical presence that doesn’t wavier. I remain reassuring because I believe and don’t have doubts myself. I believe in you as the person birthing, but also in the birth process.

Calm

The ability to maintain a sense of inner peace and composure in the face of stress or difficult situations. Birth can have twists, turns, and detours. My emotions surrounding the process are always calm, and I ensure the birth space and those within it also feel this calm. Birth is safe! I find I need to use this trait more often in hospital births. The environment can feel more stressful, can add stress, and can also have more ups and down then what I have witnessed in the safe space of the home, with less external happenings.  Part of my calmness comes from living in the moment. Each and every moment. I don’t think an hour ahead, or the end result when it comes to birth. It truly is taking one contraction at a time. There is no reason to look ahead, the end result will be you birthing your baby (no babies stay inside the womb for eternity), so by taking those little baby steps, it doesn’t seem like such a mountain to climb. I am an excitable person, but in the birth space I bring a neutral tone. You don’t need a ra-ra-cheerleader-energizer-bunny, or a drill sergeant. Just as you don’t need someone tiptoeing around in silence. I read your cues and give you the tone that YOU need, but often in the birth space it truly is a tone in which doesn’t have big highs or lows. Things I can also do to help the birth space to be or feel calm are to look at the lighting. Dim lights, or not bright overbearing white hospital lights. Sounds of the room. This can be by bringing a white noise machine to a hospital to drown out the beeping or outside of the room noises. It could be a speaker where you can listen to your favorite Spotify playlist. It could be the sounds of my breathing or making some verbalizations which often remind you to keep breathing.  The smells of the room such as bringing essential oils or cracking a window to keep some fresh air flowing.  Sometimes calming touch is what you want as you birth, and other times you don’t want to be touched at all! But you can still feel my presence in the birth space. There, but not needing to encroach on your space until it’s wanted or needed by you. I also spend a lot of time in the birth space ‘bouncing’ anyone not fitting the energy you want in your birth. This could be that annoyingly loud and talkative nurse, or a partner who is stressing you out and not helping to calm you. This can be sending them for a nap since maybe it’s the lack of sleep causing their anxiousness. Or asking the medical professionals to clear the room for you and only come in when needed. Putting this on your birth plan helps me to remind them of this directive! To note – Oxytocin (the love hormone) and the hormone that drives labour, can deplete drastically when stress levels start to rise. Keeping a calm birth space is just as important as keeping birthing person calm. A calm doula is a must-have to help to oversee that aura of calm and low stress continues from start to finish in your birth.

Energy

It’s a marathon, not a sprint! Birth can be long and exhausting. I bring a constant loving energy from start to finish. I share this steady stream of enthusiasm with you, your partner, and everyone in the birth space.  Birth brings me excitement, and that also drives this constant flow of energy and enthusiasm for what is happening. I also know birth doesn’t happen in minutes, and that we are in this for the long haul usually. So, my energy remains constant. When I see your partner wavering or yawning, or losing their luster, I can ensure they get the nap or rest they need so that they can come back with renewed energy. Making sure to remind you to eat during birth can help with that physical energy boost, same for your partner who might forget to fuel their bodies when they are focused on you as you birth. I have been to 55-hour births where I still had the same level of energy at the end that I had at the beginning, because I know that good things take time. Birth needs to be allowed that time to unfold in its physiological state. I respect that and bring that flow of energy to keep everyone else still running strong and not burning out as the hours or days come at us.

Respect

Birth has a uniqueness. I respect your individual choices surrounding how you choose to birth your baby! I truly see the lack of respect every single birth I am at. Medical providers pushing timelines on birth, not respecting the individual wants or needs with each birthing person. Not respecting wants or needs in birth. Not respecting the fact that informed decisions should be mandatory, and a ‘given’ in birth, but I often see questions not being answered when asked, or people being lied to or tricked into thinking they only have certain options, or not knowing the full story surrounding interventions during birth. Birth has become very robotic, machine like. Ignoring the fact these are human beings, and not only do they deserve respect, but this shouldn’t be something we need to be reminding people in the birth space of. Speak carefully, words matter. The word ’emergency’ is a word that is misused so often in birth. Creating this sense of urgency or emotional upset with that little word that shouldn’t be thrown out so loosely and is totally disrespectful as it derails most birth journeys.  Many medical care providers don’t possess bedside manner, and it shouldn’t be allowed in the birth space. Proper training in terms of giving respect, how to speak to people, the ask before you touch. The WHO (World Health Organization) has put out 56 recommendations in a report on how to improve and have a “Positive Childbirth Experience”. One of these recommendations was to take away the timing in birth. Friedman’s curve nonsense! Respect the time each individual birth needs. Their report shows that too many women are suffering during childbirth or don’t have the kind of birth experience they want. In this report they also speak about the lack of respect or undignified care, like yelling at a woman to push her baby out. Rubbing the baby down after delivery. Even physical abuse happening within the birth space.  Unfortunately change to this very broken medical system surrounding birth takes more time than it should. So, until then, I am there to remind care professionals who might be acting robotic than we have a human being they are caring for. Making sure no abuse of power is happening.  Just having my own respect for the birth process isn’t enough to make a true change in how you might feel as the birthing person, but as your doula you better believe I will try my best to ensure some of the wrong doings I have heard about or witnessed don’t happen to you, or that you have the ability to speak your voice (and I am here to help magnify your voice if you aren’t happy with the care you are receiving).

I am only one little person, but I truly try my best to bring a massive personality to the birth space. As your doula I really try to come to your birth with these 7 traits, but also share them with everyone in the birth space. My passion for birth can be felt from anyone around me, and my commitment to ensuring you get a ‘better birth.’ My bg hopes and dreams are that no one has birth trauma, or birth stories that don’t have the narrative that provide a positive experience. I know that it’s a broken medical system often contributing to these experiences, and I am only one person, but it’s my promise to you, as your doula, that I will continue to bring these 7 traits to the birth space and be that wicked addition to your birth team.

Happy Birthing!

Lori